Reflection: Never forget the value in what you lost.

Happy Monday,

So, I just got off of the phone with a friend. I hadn't spoken to anyone since maybe last Thursday. Via text anyway. As we were talking, she we joked about "waiting' for Mr. (whatever you want to call him to fill the empty space) to come. She then asks me about a guy i'd been conversing with and if i'd had a chance to link up and go on a date with him yet. I told her that he and I hadn't spoken for 2 days, and I actually was ok with it. I don't really feel a spark, I expressed. But, do I even know what a spark feels like? Really. How the heck does a spark feel?

As I pondered on if I even knew how that was supposed to feel. I thought about the spark igniting a happy feeling, as it should, right? But then, I thought, I first need to be happy with me before I go looking for that. So I wondered, when was the last time I was really happy...with just me...? I need to fall back in love with me to experience that.

While i'm thinking all these different things about sparks, happiness and love, I was also cleaning out my personal email inbox. I scrolled and happened to stop on an email that i'd sent myself about a month ago. It was of a quote i'd heard or seen somewhere, that I did not want to forget. Don't ask why I didn't put in in my notes, lol! But apparently, it is where it needed to be. And, today was the day I needed to see it again, at this time. It read:

"She asked: You are in love, what does love look like? To which I replied: Like everything I ever lost, came back to me." by Nayyirah Waheed

I liked it before, but this time, today, I literally felt it in my soul. I want everything I lost to come back to me. Not necessarily people, or material things, but the things i lost. The confidence. The style. The smile that came from deep within. The creativity. The ambition. The optimism. The strength and courage. The warmth. The patience. The calm. The appreciation and gratitude. The unwavering faith that fueled my manifestations so powerfully, that whatever I thought of came to me almost immediately. The care.

Every time we experience a hurt, and survive it, it takes a little away from who we are. It changes us.

I want all of those things. I call them back to me so that I can just be in love with all that I am and all that surrounds me again. I want God to know how thankful I am and feel his connection and presence like I did before, because deep down I know that i'm pleasing him.

I have to want and love me, and, I think...that is what fuels the spark with someone else.